Oooooooof. This hit me right in the chest because I feel this so hard and it’s something I have really struggled with in the last few years. I have felt so alone in this…. It’s like I woke up 31, in 2024, very single, in a country that brings me no joy and with no family close by. Whenever I see people celebrating weddings, engagements, babies, home, getting with people at holidays I want to light everything a blaze because it is the kinda life I have dreamed of and wanted for so long and it has never come close to fruition. I’ve tried to be hopeful that there is a one day for me too but it feels like that dream is farther out of reach with each day that goes by. I have never been desirable in anyone’s eyes and truly don’t even have a sense of what that feels like. So with that, how would I feel anything other than envy when I see or hear of the lives others are living?! This year I’ve tried to find joys in growing new friendships, going to events that bring me joy, and returning to old hobbies that once made me happy but WOW. Easier said than done. I hope we find peace one day and get a feel for those dreams we are currently mourning.
Oh, Kris, please know that my WHOLE heart goes out to you. I'm sending you SO much love. What you're experiencing is valid, overwhelming, and HARD and, while I'm glad to hear that you're leaning-in to the things that bring you joy, I also know that when your life isn't going in the direction that your heart desires, it's entirely devastating. So first and foremost, thank you for sharing so vulnerably with me and know that I'm keeping you and your experience close to my heart. xxx As you've read, I don't have much of a solution for envy, but today in my DBT class, we learned a meditation that was right on time. It's called the "Just Like Me" meditation. You think of the person you are envious of and then say aloud:
Just like me, this person has suffered emotionally.
Just like me, this person has fears.
Just like me, this person is learning about life and has made mistakes.
Just like me, this person wishes to be free of suffering.
Just like me, this person wishes to feel loved and connected.
I hope this gives you a little peace the way it did for me. Sending my love, xx.
Oooooooof. This hit me right in the chest because I feel this so hard and it’s something I have really struggled with in the last few years. I have felt so alone in this…. It’s like I woke up 31, in 2024, very single, in a country that brings me no joy and with no family close by. Whenever I see people celebrating weddings, engagements, babies, home, getting with people at holidays I want to light everything a blaze because it is the kinda life I have dreamed of and wanted for so long and it has never come close to fruition. I’ve tried to be hopeful that there is a one day for me too but it feels like that dream is farther out of reach with each day that goes by. I have never been desirable in anyone’s eyes and truly don’t even have a sense of what that feels like. So with that, how would I feel anything other than envy when I see or hear of the lives others are living?! This year I’ve tried to find joys in growing new friendships, going to events that bring me joy, and returning to old hobbies that once made me happy but WOW. Easier said than done. I hope we find peace one day and get a feel for those dreams we are currently mourning.
Oh, Kris, please know that my WHOLE heart goes out to you. I'm sending you SO much love. What you're experiencing is valid, overwhelming, and HARD and, while I'm glad to hear that you're leaning-in to the things that bring you joy, I also know that when your life isn't going in the direction that your heart desires, it's entirely devastating. So first and foremost, thank you for sharing so vulnerably with me and know that I'm keeping you and your experience close to my heart. xxx As you've read, I don't have much of a solution for envy, but today in my DBT class, we learned a meditation that was right on time. It's called the "Just Like Me" meditation. You think of the person you are envious of and then say aloud:
Just like me, this person has suffered emotionally.
Just like me, this person has fears.
Just like me, this person is learning about life and has made mistakes.
Just like me, this person wishes to be free of suffering.
Just like me, this person wishes to feel loved and connected.
I hope this gives you a little peace the way it did for me. Sending my love, xx.